capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Everyone says I win the strip club
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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