well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
