Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
