It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
