True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
