Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
