fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The best revenge is premature balding
is wine microwaveable?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
