a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize