also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
