gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
