I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
