Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize