I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
