God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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