Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
