I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
sarcasm needs its own font
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize