I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
