Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
