You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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