I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
