I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
