Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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