I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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