Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize