could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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