my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
