I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
