he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
