I love black thongs
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
