I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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