With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
