You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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