i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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