I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
