I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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