is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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