people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
