would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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