I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize