I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
