And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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