Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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