Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
