4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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