Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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