a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
