Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
