it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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