oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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