I puked a lego.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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