I feel like abortions should bother me more
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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