My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
