He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
