I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
