you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
