Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
