Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
