Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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