I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
