My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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