Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
