Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
