I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
