those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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