Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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