I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
