were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
